I've Been Thinking

So... as you know I read this book. And I didn't appreciate the book, but there was at least one part that really got me thinking.

My fingers fly: "The first day in my new school these three older girls on the playground surrounded me. They were a pack. I was standing by the swings waiting for a turn and the leader said, 'You can't be serious. You couldn't even fit on that swing.' They all laughed. One of the other girls said, 'Even if you could squish in, we don't want you to break the new swing set.' I went to report them," I key, "but I found out the people with orange vests were the mediators. All three girls were wearing orange vests."

And then a little later in the book:

The principal says, "You've never reported any of this to the mediators. I don't have one report."

Gee... I wonder why... How does it happen that the people with all the power are the worst people in our lives at that moment? Father's rape their children, the people in charge at school are the bullies, bosses ask sexual favors in return for letting you keep your job, etc. How do you get around that? I suppose the boss on isn't as hard as the other, but the others are really hard. You go to your mother to tell her what's been happening, and she calls you a liar. When you go to tell the principal about the kids picking on you, he/she asks you why you haven't told the mediators.

I realize that it's too much work to do a background check on the students who want to be in charge, but really? You should at least pay attention to their behavior in class. If they are the type that is always picking on someone, obviously they should be allowed to be in charge of anyone.

And I know that there can never be a way to monitor who gets to become a parent. Still, I think that it should be made more obvious where people in that situation can go. It's not 911, because that is for emergencies happening now. They wouldn't be calling the police while it was going on, at least not typically. So who are they supposed to call?

Update

Due to my long absence [just in case anyone cares, or maybe this is more for me...] I'm going to do a two-in-one! Post twice in one day, just to make sure there is some form of what's been going on.

I've been working a LOT. Over the summer 30+ hours a week, but now that school has started it's down to 20+ hours a week. Unfortunately I can't really cut back, especially if I want tuition reimbursement. [which btw i still have to apply for...] And with the cost of school I know I'm going to need the money, even if I don't need it right this second.

I started taking five classes, but in the first week I realized that work + five classes was way more than I can handle. Four is barely manageable... And one of those four classes is yoga! Lucky me yoga ends mid October. It was probably a mistake for me to try and tackle Chemistry this semester... But as I've never taken a Chemistry course before [i completely neglected it in high school] I have to take the Survey of Chemistry, and I figured it was better to just get the ball rolling. Hopefully I'm right.... College Algebra doesn't seem to be as big of a challenge as I expected... Statistics was way harder... Is that how it's supposed to be? I also have my health class going on, Drug Use & Abuse. So far I've hated almost every second spent in that classroom... But I need to stay at 12 credits to keep my financial aid. This next chapter is looking slightly promising, all about educating us stupid folk about the nervous system, which is extremely fascinating, and will no doubt prove useful in my later schooling. [i plan on becoming a medical examiner, minoring in photography]

I'm trying to take a look at several four year universities. Can't get the degree I want at community college, even if it is cheaper... I joined a sort of support group for people looking to get into STEM fields. [i already forgot what that stands for... math and science are in there...] They're supposed to help me pick my classes and keep me on track with my schooling.

Unfortunately I've gotten sick again... Something with my stomach this time. I can't really eat so well. Pretty much anything greasy/fatty I puke up. I went to the doctor, he's not sure if it's something to do with my gall bladder, or if my body is simply not used to those kinds of foods. So we're doing tests, trying to figure out what is wrong with me... Yet again.

I've also been reading some, when I'm not busy trying to overload myself on everything else. I've been quite pleased with most of the books I've read, but there have been a couple that really set me off... [see previous post]

In some ways it's kind of said, I've been so busy I've barely had time for my fiance [i still want to say boyfriend, so if i refer to him as such, don't be alarmed]. We're still at the same school, and it will stay that way until next year, fall semester, when he moves on the his four year university [in farm country] and works to get his four year degree. Which will be more good than sad, because the deal is we can get married once he finishes his degree and has a stable job. Easier said than done... He applied for spring semester, but for whatever reason they never received his application. Luckily they were very nice and returned to application fee, because there was a record of him having paid it... It just doesn't make any sense.

I've been wanting to get a pass to Lifetime fitness for awhile now... And with how much I am enjoying my yoga class I think that this is a really great opportunity to finally just do it. I'd like to continue taking yoga classes after mine at school has finished. Do you have to pay to take a yoga class if you are already a member of the gym? My mother thinks you do, and in some ways that makes sense, but in others I can't see why they would make you pay twice.

Anyway... I still love my job, and my people skills are becoming better as a result of working there! I'm planning on keeping this job til med school! 4-6 years down the line. Hopefully everything works out!

By The Time You Read This I'll Be Dead

I hate that book. I really hate it. There is really nothing good about it. Nothing. The ending is complete bullshit. Have I ever mentioned how I hate it when an author leaves you hanging? Well I hate it. With a fiery passion. I like to know what happened to the character that I followed for a couple hundred pages. I do not like to be left hanging! The worst possible ending for a book is one that is completely inconclusive, so much so that you keep turning pages, thinking that there will be more, only to find a study guide. And so desperate are you to find out what happens, you read the freaking discussion questions. Only to find that one of them is asking, "What do you think happens?" I know what I want to happen, but how I am supposed to come up with the ending? Believe it or not, there is a reason for authors. There is a reason they are the ones out there publishing books, not me. I know exactly how I want the book to end. And that is the very reason I need author to tell me what happens! I didn't read through all of those pages for nothing! I didn't read through all of those pages to be left hanging, and then keep flipping pages only to find self-help websites and suicide hot lines. Yeah... Because suicidal people read books about other people's miserable lives... I think not. I really think not. I don't just highly doubt, I am virtually positive. Though, I suppose you'd probably have to ask someone who actually wants to die rather than just trust my rantings. But seriously. I don't care how many places you post your stupid hot lines, they are likely to not find the right people. Because you're posting in all the wrong places.

Happy Camper

So... Who came up with the phrase "happy camper?" Have they ever even been camping? Have they seen the bathrooms on campsites infested with an assortment of ticks and centipedes? Have they ever had to set up their own tent? Have they ever gotten the spot inside the tent that is placed right on top of what is probably the hardest rock on the site? Have they ever left the flap open to get the breeze inside the tent because it was kinda hot, only to have it start raining [and i mean RAINING] at 2 in the morning? Have they ever left their shoes outside and woken up to find them completely soaked, because of the dew? Have they ever been to a campsite that does not include a shower? [those actually aren't so bad, cuz the showers there are totally disgusting] For some reason I highly doubt that the person who decided that phrase sounded grand has ever even seen a tent of any sort.

Nnnuueeiiiooo

That is the sound my cat makes. Very loud and in your face. She definitely makes it known when she wants something. But she is the cutest little thing. Black & white, not spotted, more of a marble effect. When she watches birds from the window, she chirps at them. Almost like she is saying to them, "Hey! I'm a bird too! You can come play with me!" I'm not sure what is so fascinating about the birds, but she loves them, and so I will let her watch them. However she will never be allowed outside. I have heard stories about cats in our neighborhood getting caught in traps intended for rabbits or getting into fights with strays. She was spade, so we don't have to worry about that, but I definitely don't want her to get hurt! She is probably one of my favorite things in the world. She is one of the most playful little animals ever. The only thing that really has her beat is a squirrel, but when she was a kitten she could have given them a run for their money. I remember she used to do flying leaps at door frames and make it more than halfway up and then slide down back to the floor. Now she takes more notice of the dog, and does not appreciate her. Every time the dog is in what she considers her "territory" she whacks the dog. I'm sure it doesn't hurt the dog, but it is very cute.

Today, though, the dog's tongue was bleeding. I have no idea why. [no, it's not from the cat, she's de-clawed] But yeah, and it wasn't just a little bit of blood, it was like some serious bleeding. It was getting all over her paws and legs. I had to get a wet cloth to wipe it off her fur and the I had to coax her into drinking from a bowl of water and just pray that it would fix the problem. Luckily it did, and she's been ok for the rest of the day. It was scary more than anything. Poor doggie is just getting old... When strange occurrences like that happen we all kinda freak out a little. Because we aren't sure what it means. We don't know if it's a sign that her life is reaching it's end or if it's something that is basically normal. We can only hope that it's basically normal. Because no matter how annoying and needy the dog is, we still love her.

Not Going to Lie

So. I have a bit of an addiction to Guild Wars. No joke. I may even be a little bit obsessed. o.O Anyway. For those poor people out there who don't know, GW is an RPG, you get quests and do missions. For some quests you get these coin things. And if you collect enough of these coin things you can trade them for this special key. Once you have the special key you can go into this one room and open up this ginormous chest and get super rare items. I am like obsessed with that chest. And have only opened it three times. But I am somehow still obsessed. I was looking the coins up on the wiki [to see how many copper it took to get a silver and how many silver to get a gold] and to see stuff about the coins I had to look at the traders individually. Wanna know what I found out? Each of them is named after a player. Isn't that cool? The coins are a fourth year anniversary add in, so I'm guessing that the developers follow the game rather closely and saw these characters that they kinda liked and decided that they wanted to commemorate them. I wonder if the people who got their names jacked know this? I wonder if they have naming conventions for all of their characters? I have eight characters. [i know, i'm crazy] And I definitely have a naming convention. My nightfall campaign characters are all named after my cat. My prophecy campaign characters are all named after my pen name. And my faction campaign characters are all named after my future daughter. I'm so organized. I think that I have a character for every profession in the game now... I'll have to take inventory and double check. I know I have a necro, an elementalist, a monk, an assassin, a ritualist, and a warrior... And two others. I must not play the other two very often. Or they're doubles. That would mean I don't have all the professions... Oh! I have a dervish too! But I don't have a paragon. Never had one of those. I know I used to have a ranger and a mesmer... I don't know which I still have? It gets hard to keep track. You know that? You know how they call these types of games role playing games? Does that mean that I'm supposed to pretend to be my character? Or do people think that they are their character? That's crazy.

Evil Intent

My cousin drives a semi truck. I think it was last week that he killed three people when he ran into their SUV thing. The situation? There was this SUV thing in front of him, they did a super wide turn right, and then back left, trying to do a u-turn, but there was oncoming traffic, so they ended up right in front of my cousin. Guess who couldn't stop. The case is still under investigation. It was an accident. 100% but he could still be charged with vehicular homicide or something like that. Manslaughter. Vehicular manslaughter. Either way, it doesn't look good on your record. And who knows if he will be able to keep his job. Even though he has a family to support. With a another baby on the way. I'll just blame my mother. It's her fault. She just said a couple weeks ago that bad things always come in threes, and so far we've only had two. [my cousin Tony's death, and then some lady named Maryian who i'm supposedly related to died] Well, here ya go mom, here's number three. And this one he has to live with. If I was in an accident and three people died as a result, I'm not sure if I would be able to live with myself. I have trouble with that sort of thing. I like to blame myself for things that are outside of my control. Nasty habit. Don't get into. I had some really great news... But this blog has just gotten so depressing... I don't think that I can tell it... It will just ruin the news. So, next time.

All Those Horrible Things You Say

I keep them. I store them. I save them. And sometimes, on rainy days, when there is nothing else to do, I read them. And I cry. I cry because there are so many horrible things that have been said to me. And I wonder, am I a horrible person? Because nice people are never cursed. People always tell me that I am so nice. Well, then what have I done to receive all of those terrible words? Wanna know something funny? I've only ever kept one nice letter. Only one. Does that mean that people don't say nice things to me? I can't remember that far back... I only remember those things I saved. It makes my life look pretty miserable. I think I need to start a happy collection. Something cheerful. I planted rose bushes in my front yard by the light post the other day. Right now they just look like sticks poking out of the ground. Something a two year old would do and call gardening. But I know that if I keep on watering them they'll grow. Then I'll have pretty flowers. Roses.

Addicted to Nothing

It's been awhile. In my absence I have gone to the ER, been in bed for like a week, decided that I have absolutely no hope of ever passing that stupid English class [and consequently dropping it], and become addicted to nothing. It sounds a lot more epic than it really was. The ER trip was so not fun. I was in so much pain I couldn't sit still. I was nauseous and felt like screaming, but couldn't scream because that would simply make my head ache even more. My mother freaked out and decided that we needed to go to the ER. On the way there I threw up like three times. [into an ice cream bucket, not on my lap, thank God] And when we got there they gave me anti-nausea meds that really helped, but then we had to wait for the infusion... Of course. When we finally got to go back for it I was finally learning how to deal with the pain and probably would've been ok without it, but I figured that we had driven all the way there and it would make me feel better, so whatever. It totally put me out. After the nurse finally found a vein to stick the needle in. Apparently I have "small veins." I have never had this problem before, and I've had blood drawn and like three other infusions. They wanted to draw blood too. That was great. Took her three tried to get a vein. Then, after the infusion, when I could barely think, let alone walk, they wanted a urine sample. Great idea. Once I finally got home I just went to bed. And didn't wake up until the middle of the next day. From now on, unless I have no other choice, I definitely want to avoid the ER. It is so uncomfortable, and they so do not know how to stick a needle into a vein. Anyway, after the infusion my head was kinda better, but it was still incredibly achy, so I was basically in bed for about a week, missing all of my classes. My freaking English teacher will not budge on his stupid "participation" thing, and since I wasn't in class of course I didn't have any of the participation points, so I decided that there was no way in hell that I was going to be able to pass that class and dropped. I'm going to see if I can get it to be a medical drop instead of a withdrawal. Once I got out of bed I got back to school and caught back up with all of the work and stuff. And then when I wasn't doing school work and all that stuff I became addicted to nothing. Nothing = facebook games. If you ever actually think about them you'll find that they have no substance. None. They are like nothing. And yet I can't stop playing them. Why? I don't know. I must be addicted. How has this happened? Too much spare time. That's what it is. Too much spare time. Must find something else to do.

And So...

Well, I was supposed to do my presentation for PWS on Monday, unfortunately one of my group members didn't have a voice. Thank the Lord, the teacher was not in one of her evil moods and is allowing us to present on Friday instead, after the other two groups. So we will not be receiving a zero! The only thing that sucks about this situation is that our presentation is not over and done with. I'm still sitting here thinking about it... Not fun. I would love to get on with it. I really hope that I have all of the genetics stuff down. And I really hope that they don't ask like any questions. Because it's very likely that I won't have a clue. I really only looked up the genetics of it. I didn't get into all of the weird cases. So I don't know about this one particular cases where this one person had this one strange thing happen to them. I do know a little bit about Angelman Syndrome, which is like its sister genetic disorder, but that is only because Angelman Syndrome is not some kind of freak accident [well I suppose technically it is] it's more common and because it is stronly tied in with PWS. So I know what we're supposed to know for this thing. And that's it. I didn't go crazy with with fancy random facts. That's just not my thing.

They Drink Their Pee.

They drink their pee. They DRINK their PEE. Models. They drink their pee. And rub their poop on their skin, like some kind of exfoliating lotion. Models. The people that the majority of the world looks up at and say "gorgeous." Really? They drink pee. And rub poop all over themselves. Do we really find that attractive? Pee drinking, poop rubbing models? That is our idea of beauty? You know what the best part of that is though? [besides the pee] They're photoshoped. They aren't real. The person in the picture doesn't actually exist. Yes, they took a picture of someone [who drinks pee] but then they altered her appearance so much that I doubt you'd recognize her if you saw her walking down the street. Plastic surgery, cosmetics, and eating disorders make them what they are. And we admire them? We admire people that drink pee.

Reality

In reality we all have problems. It doesn't matter where you live, who you know, how much money you have, where you are going to school, or what you plan on doing with your life. You have a problem. It may not be a big problem, but it's there. So, please somebody, tell me why people shun people who have problems that are different from their own. Do we [humans] just fear different? You hear a lot of people talking about diversity and how it's such a great thing, but the diversity they speak of is only racial. They are only talking about the color of our skin, not who we are as people. To achieve the greatest amount of diversity you need to not look at skin color. That is what Affirmative Action does not account for. It's only trying to make up for past white domination. That in itself is racist and discriminatory. Suddenly people of minorities are at a huge advantage. And this is supposed to be fair? I realize that in the past minorities were placed under the white majority and it was unfair, but wouldn't the fair thing to do be to raise them to equal status? Not raise them above and put them on a pedestal.

Uh Oh

When you've been visiting therapist offices for a long time you begin to learn how they really operate. There are a lot of misconceptions. A lot of people [if not most] will think of the waiting room as a bunch of people wearing all black with too many piercings and hair all sorts of funny colors. Not true. If you ever actually enter the waiting room for a therapist you'll be lucky to find one such person. [I'm not saying that these people don't go, because they do, but averagely you don't see them in there] You are more likely to find people [mostly women] in their 20's to 30's. All of them very average looking. When I went to my very first appointment I seriously thought that we had gone to the wrong place. And you know how almost everyone thinks that the best way to throw a therapist is to make them think that you are just as messed up as can be? Again not true. The better route is silence. Don't tell them anything, it makes them want to dig. If you have real issues, they'll just be able to tell, even if you don't talk. If you don't talk they can't figure out your issues, so if that was your goal, you're winning. It also helps if you don't have nervous habits. Nail biting is a dead giveaway. On the other hand, if you actually want this therapy to help you get better you have to cooperate. They can ask all the questions in the world, but you have to give truthful answers that go slightly deeper than "yes" or "no." They need some indicators, they can't read minds. Which is definitely the best part. So whenever you want to be done talking, just stop talking. They may prod a little more, to try and get little more out of you, but if you really don't want to talk anymore that session, just don't answer. That's always your best bet. Silence. It's golden.

Let Me Tell You

I have a story to tell you. Sadly it is not a funny story. It's about my cousin. He's older than I am, by about 15 years and lives in a nicer part of Minneapolis. [if such a place exists] Apparently his speech was getting a bit slurry and so he went to the doctor and got an MRI. The doctor said he might have a bit of carbon monoxide poisoning and should have his furnace checked out. To have his furnace checked out without receiving any further carbon monoxide he decided to check into a hotel for a few days. On his first day there he went out with a friend. And then later that night someone assaulted him in the streets and he is now in the hospital. To make things even better he has brain swelling. And the doctors think that he is going to die. Because he is mostly unresponsive. But when the doctors said that they thought that he wasn't going to make it he raised his hand, giving all of us the tiniest glimmer of hope. They caught the guy who beat my cousin like the next day. There were witnesses and it was caught on camera. But the saddest part is that my cousin is one of the nicest people on the planet. I don't see what he could have done to provoke such a response from anyone. He will sometimes invite his friends to our family Christmas, because they will be in town and have no where else to go. We do Santa bags [everyone buys something somewhat cheap for everyone and puts in bag without saying who is from] and since none of the rest of us know his friend is coming, they wouldn't get any presents. So he buys them at least 3 or 4 presents every time, to accompany the few presents from the people who knew that they would be there. And if I am sitting at the same table as him during dinner he will try to include me in the conversation while the rest might ignore me. [just because they are all older than me or because the younger kids are there and they are so much more interesting or my other cousins are there, the ones who are like actually related] I don't know. I just don't understand.

Hello My Name Is...

Blank and I am looking for a partner for Blank. Let me know if you need a partner too and we can work out the times from there.

Doesn't that just sound like he's selling himself? It's an e-mail that I got [twice] from some guy in one of my classes at school looking for a partner for a project. And it sounds like he is selling himself. Not in a horribly sexual way. But really, it sounds like an ad in the newspaper. All that was missing was the face shot of him giving the thumbs up. Making up for the lack of enthusiasm in his message. Because a picture is worth a thousand words. Why do people say that? Really? I don't get it. Do they say that so they can get away with writing less for an article that has a picture? Or so they can skimp on the description of a picture? If you could find me 1000 words [not including non descriptive words] to describe a picture I think I would have to faint. Words that would count would be adjectives. Smile, purple, wild, big, pretty. You wouldn't be able to use filler. Say it was a picture of a tree, you wouldn't be able to say,

"The tree is looking nice this Saturday afternoon after strolling on the sidewalk to see what was there under the blue sky that contained fluffy white clouds that were above our heads not threatening rain, which was really nice because rain is not nice and there was no rain just nice trees and blue skies and there was a sidewalk that you could walk on, it would definitely be very super fun to walk on that excellent looking sidewalk. I bet you'd never drop any ice cream on that sidewalk, it's too nice for that, and birds must never poop on it. It looks too nice."

And that was only 106 words of complete and utter nonsense. And the only words that would count are: tree, sidewalk, blue, sky, fluffy, white clouds, birds. That is only eight words. Good luck with your 1000.