Let Me Tell You

I have a story to tell you. Sadly it is not a funny story. It's about my cousin. He's older than I am, by about 15 years and lives in a nicer part of Minneapolis. [if such a place exists] Apparently his speech was getting a bit slurry and so he went to the doctor and got an MRI. The doctor said he might have a bit of carbon monoxide poisoning and should have his furnace checked out. To have his furnace checked out without receiving any further carbon monoxide he decided to check into a hotel for a few days. On his first day there he went out with a friend. And then later that night someone assaulted him in the streets and he is now in the hospital. To make things even better he has brain swelling. And the doctors think that he is going to die. Because he is mostly unresponsive. But when the doctors said that they thought that he wasn't going to make it he raised his hand, giving all of us the tiniest glimmer of hope. They caught the guy who beat my cousin like the next day. There were witnesses and it was caught on camera. But the saddest part is that my cousin is one of the nicest people on the planet. I don't see what he could have done to provoke such a response from anyone. He will sometimes invite his friends to our family Christmas, because they will be in town and have no where else to go. We do Santa bags [everyone buys something somewhat cheap for everyone and puts in bag without saying who is from] and since none of the rest of us know his friend is coming, they wouldn't get any presents. So he buys them at least 3 or 4 presents every time, to accompany the few presents from the people who knew that they would be there. And if I am sitting at the same table as him during dinner he will try to include me in the conversation while the rest might ignore me. [just because they are all older than me or because the younger kids are there and they are so much more interesting or my other cousins are there, the ones who are like actually related] I don't know. I just don't understand.

Hello My Name Is...

Blank and I am looking for a partner for Blank. Let me know if you need a partner too and we can work out the times from there.

Doesn't that just sound like he's selling himself? It's an e-mail that I got [twice] from some guy in one of my classes at school looking for a partner for a project. And it sounds like he is selling himself. Not in a horribly sexual way. But really, it sounds like an ad in the newspaper. All that was missing was the face shot of him giving the thumbs up. Making up for the lack of enthusiasm in his message. Because a picture is worth a thousand words. Why do people say that? Really? I don't get it. Do they say that so they can get away with writing less for an article that has a picture? Or so they can skimp on the description of a picture? If you could find me 1000 words [not including non descriptive words] to describe a picture I think I would have to faint. Words that would count would be adjectives. Smile, purple, wild, big, pretty. You wouldn't be able to use filler. Say it was a picture of a tree, you wouldn't be able to say,

"The tree is looking nice this Saturday afternoon after strolling on the sidewalk to see what was there under the blue sky that contained fluffy white clouds that were above our heads not threatening rain, which was really nice because rain is not nice and there was no rain just nice trees and blue skies and there was a sidewalk that you could walk on, it would definitely be very super fun to walk on that excellent looking sidewalk. I bet you'd never drop any ice cream on that sidewalk, it's too nice for that, and birds must never poop on it. It looks too nice."

And that was only 106 words of complete and utter nonsense. And the only words that would count are: tree, sidewalk, blue, sky, fluffy, white clouds, birds. That is only eight words. Good luck with your 1000.

Wanna Know a Funny Story?

Me too. Just kidding! [well, honestly i really would] I'll tell you one. Anyway. So. I have this boyfriend. [fyi i only have one bf i just like to say things in strange & mysterious ways, to keep the world interesting] I really like him. He has his charms. And I really enjoy spending time with him, doesn't matter when or where, or necessarily what we are doing. But every now and then I would like to go out and DO something. You know? Is that so much to ask? Normally this isn't so much of a problem, because normally I have plenty of money to fund our ventures. But right now I am not working because I have this horrible problem with migraines you see. So until my application for short term disability goes through [and is approved] I have zero dollars. Normally he has no money either because he has to pay for rent and stuff, so I pay for all of our dates. But he missed one of his check because he lost it. [at his parents... hmmmm..... no i'm not implying anything] And so had to have it reissued, but this took him about three weeks to figure out. [seriously, could they make it any more complicated?] So right now he has plenty of money. And could definitely afford to take me out. It's not like I want anything extravagant, just a simple little date. Maybe going out to dinner somewhere like Applebee's or something. Nothing expensive. But he just assumes that I would be the one to pay, but I have no money. He is the boy. I am the girl. Isn't the boy SUPPOSED to pay? Like in traditional relationships? I've been super nice and paid for almost everything we've done, shouldn't he give a little? Is that not reasonable? Am I crazy?

The Joys of Spring

That was completely sarcastic. After being almost completely inactive all winter I, of course, gained some weight. It's not like I hadn't noticed this, but it became glaringly obvious when I had to go shopping for pants and had to select a size larger than normal. And being a girl [even though I should be past that stage] I am very self conscious about this fact. Guess it's time to hit the gym... Or get a gym membership. You know. Chicken. Egg. Well, technically I don't need to go to a gym. I have a Wii. And that exercise game that they make for it. So, you know, I could just do that. And think about gym memberships when I actually have money. Because I really do like those pools they have. I used to be on the swim team. Not that I was any good. [hahaha] But I really enjoyed it. And people are always saying that swimming is such great exercise, because it works your whole body and it's not super hard on your joints. Even old people can do it! Anyway. Back to the woes of Spring. Allergies. If you have them you might have some idea of what I am talking about. Allergies are terrible, horrible monsters. Mine are 10 million times worse. When I was seven I had to start doing allergy shots to get them under control. My mom recently told me that typically, people who go on shots and then finish with them never need meds for allergies again. Boy, did that piss me off. Because after those 5 [7?] years of shots I was actually able to control my allergies with medicine. Lucky me! But then, last year, you know what they did to me? They decided that they didn't want to make my medication anymore. Do you have any idea how long it took to find a medication that actually worked? Years. No exaggeration. My mom called the allergists and luckily he has like major connections or something and knows like all the drugs they make [when it comes to allergies] and found a pharmacy that was still making the combo that I need. [apparently it's some old combo that is hella strong, so they don't like giving it to people. they like the weaker crap that doesn't do anything for me] Then, this SPRING they decide that they are no longer going to make this drug either. Guess who is miserable with itchy eyes, sneezing up a storm, and has a majorly running nose? That same person has been on at least 3 different allergy medications in the last month. So it is not like I have given up all hope because they decided to be jerks and take my medication off of the market. Nope. I am desperately searching for something that will WORK. And you know what the very best part of this is? The allergies acting up is encouraging the asthma to give me a hard time to. Wanna guess how long it's been since I've had an asthma attack? I'd say about a year and half. When I had bronchitis. Yep. Spring is just so much fun.

Smell the Flowers

Where did we get so fixated on this theme? Who was it that said we all work way too hard and we need to step back and take time to smell the flowers? I think that person over did it. It seems like that's all a lot of people know how to do anymore. They've forgotten the meaning of "work." And why would they want to work when there are flowers that need smelling? But there is work that needs doing. We can't all be smelling the flowers at the same time. We need rotations. Someone should work out a schedule. Or maybe that's why God gave us the weekend (sabbath). Our day of rest. Even He took a day off to sit back and relax, after He had finished His work. But since we are not perfect we can't finish our work. So we'll just have to do the best that we can to get as far as we can before taking our break. And while we are on our break we can smell all the flowers we want. I think guy who originally said this should have been more specific. Unless he was and his words were just twisted to fit other purposes as they were passed along. You know how it goes.

Poor Dumb Dog

Brother gets up to let dog in. Dog does not get treat. Dog runs to me. I push dog away. Dog runs to mom and yips. Mom is on phone. Mom doesn't realize dog was just out. Mom and dog walk toward kitchen. Dog stops and sits by treats. Mom continues to back door and opens it to let dog out. Dog does not go to mom, because dog wants treat. Mom doesn't get it and so continues on with her phone call and ignores dog. Poor dumb dog. At least cat is cute. Chirping at the birds in the bush right outside of our window. What a lucky cat.

Melt My Brain

Spring break. Is now almost over. Unlike a lot of people I didn't go on a fancy vacation or skip the week before spring break. So why do I feel like my brain is melting? It's becoming a swimming pool for all of those nerves and their signals. Not cool. I think this is the step before the frying. Cuz as soon as my brain tries to think too much the electrical activity of that thought will zap the gooey puddle that was brain and it will be fried. Not looking forward to that. I think that means that I need to start doing some brain stimulating activities. Where did I put those books? I think there are about 5 million under my bead. And 20 next to it that I have yet to read. And as long as they don't end like wMy Sister's Keeper everything should be ok. Right? That's what I'm hoping for!

Sick.

You know what the best part of being sick is? Getting better. The whole time you're sick all you want is to be better. [at least that's all I want] So when you finally do feel better, it's one of the greatest joys in the world. I'd put it up there with winning first place in a big softball tournament. The only thing missing is the adrenaline rush. But when you're just getting over a cold, you really don't need one of those. Another plus to getting better is that my mother stops making fun of me. I swear that what she says is a cold and what I say is a cold are two completely different things! I definitely cannot go around and function as usual, I am down and out. And my colds normally last for a couple of days. She always tells me that I'm such a baby and that I should get over it. Maybe when I'm like 30 and I actually have a real job I'll consider trying to be human while sick. Until then, no thank you. I will continue to bury myself beneath three blankets, drink 15 gallons of water, and sleep for three days.

Revelations

One day I overhear a conversation. There is a guy talking to a girl. She asks him if he thinks he is going to marry his current girlfriend. He responds with something about probably, because they have been dating for over six months.

Six months? And now they are ready for marriage? My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years. Does that mean we should go elope? I really had thought that people would want to get to know each other before deciding to tie the knot. I mean, if you really think about it, how well do you really know someone after six months? They could have all sorts of weird voo-doo hidden in their closet. Even married couples manage to keep secrets like that from each other for years! So what makes anyone think that six months of dating is anywhere near enough time to decide if you want to spend the rest of your life with another person?

I have a shirt. In pink and blue it says, "Strangers Have the Best Candy." And to accompany these charming words is a poisonous looking lollipop with a skull on it. I think the shirt is hilarious. And that is why I bought it.

My mother works in an elementary school. She invited me to have lunch with her. Before meeting her I had a science lab to do [which was a complete disaster]. Without really thinking about it I pulled out my Stranger Candy shirt and went out and about and did my business. When my lab was finally over... [ugh] I realized two things. First, I didn't have my mother's lunch number with, so I wouldn't be able to eat lunch. And second, I was wearing my Stranger Candy shirt. The thought of trying to explain the statement being made by my shirt to eight year olds was quite humorous, but I didn't think the teachers and/or principle would find it funny. And kids take things very literally, so it probably just was not a good idea to wear the shirt there at all. So lunch with mother = canceled. Until a later date.

Sleep

Has definitely become an issue. Poor me. The head gets to a point of hurting so much that I just have to go to sleep to escape the pain. Only problem with that solution is that the wonderful four hour nap will cost me hours of sleep come night, when it actually is time for me to be sleeping. Which really sucks, because as I am laying there my head will begin pounding with renewed strength. Why? Because it likes to torture me, it gets some kind of sick pleasure out of it. So I guess that I am going to either have to stop taking naps, or try to drastically cut back on the time spent napping... How to accomplish either of those... I don't know. I'm going to need a game plan.

Julie at the Drive Thru

I found this while I was clearing out my documents, it's from my creative writing class. The assignment was to write a memoir based on a person or an event, and it could only be one page. Do you have any idea how long it took me to edit it down to one page? Like 3 hours! Compared to the 10 min it took me to actually write! Seriously... When I finished writing it I had about three pages, and so began the editing. And this is the product of all of my hard work:


A lady had come in earlier in the day and purchased a $10 gift card and then left it in the store, asking us to use it to pay for some of our customer's drinks. I was not there to witness this, but was told about it by my manager, who, right after saying this said that the lady should have left it for us because it would have gone further with our discount. “So you want to steal from customers?” I asked. He was saved from having to answer as a customer pulled up in the drive thru at that moment. Iced Venti Latte, it was Julie, one of our regulars.

When she got to the window one hand held her smoldering cigarette, burned down almost to the butt, the other was handing me her Starbucks gold card (a card that you pay a monthly fee on and you get 10% off everything you purchase), then tried to hand me her money. I told her that she didn’t have to pay for this one; a lady had given us a $10 gift card to use for our customers. “Oh, well now that was nice!” “Yes, it really was,” I hand her back her gold card, “we’ll have your latte in a second.” “Here, put this in your little change jar,” and she hands me what is probably all of her loose change. “Thank you!” “Now I’m not broke!” she breaks out into an even bigger smile than before and holds up two dollar bills. At that moment Rob shows up with her latte, “Here you go.” I grab a long straw and lean out the window to hand it to her.

“This may sound a little weird, but does anyone in there have a Tylenol or Aspirin? Julie’s got a headache.” “Ummm… Let me check” I pull myself further inside and ask everyone if they have any Tylenol, Julie wants some. I get some looks of Go tell Julie she’s crazy! so I head back to the window to tell her that no one has any. “I’m sorry, no one has any.” “Oh that’s ok, I’m going shopping, that will probably make it go away.” “Have fun!” She pulls up a bit and begins to empty her car of trash, taking her time and making sure that she’s gotten every bit of garbage, while the car behind her tries to pull up to the window.


From all of that you're supposed to be able to get a feel for the person's personality. I don't know if I was able to capture Julie perfectly, I mean, I only had a page to work with... But I think that I did a pretty decent job with what I was given to work with. I even managed to capture a little of the behind-the-scenes Starbucks action. Well, at least, for my Starbucks. My Starbucks rocks!

Do You Ever...

Find yourself making up lyrics to songs as you listen to them? Even though your lyrics totally don't fit with the song? It's just the mood you're in. Or it's just the way that you think. Or you think that the artist is totally saying EXACTLY what you feel, and then they don't. So you have to improvise... Care to sing with me?

Skillet - Believe

"If you believed when I said that I wouldn't be thinking about you" then you're retarded.

The whole retarded thing kinda just throws off the whole flow of the song... Too many syllables in the wrong place. Not that what they wrote follows any strict pattern. It's more like a free form poem. But free form poems tend to pick up a style of their own. Each individual one has it's own pattern and flow. Or maybe it's just me that thinks that. It wouldn't be the first time that I came up with my own crazy thoughts. Well, you wanna know what I think? [probably not, but you're going to find out anyway] I think the world could do with some original, creative thought. Maybe then things would be just a little more bearable. Maybe if people stopped trying to stuff others into their little box of "ok" and "acceptable" things would be better. But people don't like to think outside of their box. It's not normal enough for them. What freaks.

As of Late

I've been back in school, on a more daily basis. It's rather nice. I'm actually somewhat able to keep up with my schoolwork. I'm not saying that I enjoy school. No one really does. There are always those classes that are hated, but are requied. [why do we need to take freshman composition in order to get a degree? i can see in some cases how that class would help, but in most cases, it's really just a waste of time] I still feel like I have endless amounts of time to waste, and I'll admit that sometimes I enjoy that, but sometimes it really gets old. You can only do the same thing over and over so many times before you realize that you are doing the same thing over and over. I am finally realizing it. And it's getting old. I may be doing different things within the video game, but it is still the same video game. [and, yes, it is the only video game i play. i don't like very many others] I may be reading different books, but I go through them so fast... and sometimes reading just plain hurts. It just contributes to the pain. Why am I cursed with constant migraines? If only they would go away, then I could go back to work. You have no idea how much I miss it. You probably think me crazy, wanting to go back to work. But I love my job. It is probably the best job in the world. Being a barista is a joy like no other. You get to meet some of the most interestig people in the world. One time [i work at a drive thru starbucks] there was this guy who came through the drive thru with some other guy. You could totally tell he was gay, you just could. And, it wasn't like he was being rude, because he was one of the nicest people that has gone through that drive thru. [most people who come through are complete and total jerks. there i said it.] but he seriously stopped at the menu board and had like a 5 min conversation with us, after he had placed his order. Appartently he was a hair stylist here in MN for some hair show. I didn't even know that they had hair shows. What is a hair show? Anyway, we were all dying of laughter, like almost to the point of crying. By the time they got up to the window we had managed to calm down. But then he got into another conversation mood. Telling us all about hair styling and how he would love to come back and do my hair sometime and Sherry's hair, totally embarassing the crap out of us, because we hadn't bothered to do anything with our hair at all that day. And then talking all about his life. And then he noticed my piercings [which i wasn't supposed to have in]. I think I have 10? All in my ears. And so he started a conversation about those. And of course he had to tell me about the only piercing he had... I'll let you figure it out. By the time he left it had been about 15 min since he had gotten his drink. And since I am the best at damage control, I had to work the window, which I hate! So I had to apologize to customers, and tell them what a funny customer we had just had and try to explain how we just couldn't get him to leave. A couple of the really pissed off ones got a free drink that day... but what can you do? People want their coffee, and they want it now.

Happy Endings

*SpoilerAlert* I just don't know if I'm going to be able to contain myself, so watch out!

Ok. So. My Sister's Keeper. Great book. Worst ending in the world. I mean, a car crash? [see, i told you i wouldn't be able to contain myself] Seriously. A car crash. After the whole entire book, it ends. With a car crash. Well, it ends for Anna, who was the one who I was rooting for, so basically it ends. A car crash. Why couldn't it have been her sister who died? Why did it have to be her? Why was it always her? I mean, I know life isn't all about happy endings and warm fuzzies, but this wasn't life, wasn't my life. It was a book. Books are my happy places. They are my warm fuzzies. Books have happy endings. Fairy tales happen in books. What you can't have in real life you can have in a book. Well, Ms. Author-of-this-book [who's name i can't remember] took that away from me. I wanted Anna to have a happy ending. I wanted her to live her life free of what her parents created her for, and I wanted her to be free of the obligations she felt she owed her sister. Basically, I wanted her sister to just die. It didn't have to be painful, but I did want her to die. That was my happy ending. Which was still harsh reality if you think about it. I mean, my ending is a bit more realistic than her's, if you really think about it. I mean, Kate was barely hanging on to the last shreds of life she had left, and she wanted to throw them away! [see, i just keep on spoiling and spoiling... i'm terrible] Why couldn't she just die? Why did it have to be Anna? After all that she had been through. A car crash. And guess what the best part of that whole scene was... She was wearing her seat belt. What kind of message is this lady trying to send us? I mean, I am getting mixed signels all over the place. Like arson is ok, and fire makes you feel better, and people who start fires are terrible people, and God doesn't exist, and God does exist, and creation is an amazing thing, and it's a stupid thing. Where is she going with all of this? What is she trying to say? Does she even know? The back of the book says that there is only one issue she is trying to discuss: The ethics of having a baby solely to help another of your children. I think whoever read the book and formed that opinion is a complete and total idiot. I'm actually wondering if that person even read the book at all. The pages within cover so much more than that. It's hard to believe how much this lady tries to tackle with just one story. I don't even know if I grasped half of it the first time reading it through. I mean, some kid going for like a degree in law or ethics or psychology could use this book to formulate a thesis [and a good one] for his big huge paper that has to be written. She even tries to dig in really deep on all of the issues she gets into, without losing the substance of her book. Which is why it is a fantastic book. With a horrible ending. I mean, a car crash? Seriously? Just, why?

Normalcy

It seems to me that people have come to the conclusion that "normal" cannot be defined. I disagree. Once you have been thrown out of the norm you know EXACTLY what "normal" is. Normal is your head not killing you every second of every day, making daily tasks seem impossible to accomplish. Normal is not taking several naps a day in hopes of escaping the pain. Normal is not always being on the verge of screaming, but fearing to scream at the same time. Normal is being able to attend school and do all of your assignments, take all of your tests, and generally just be present and active in your learning. [not that you necessarily want to do that, but just having the ability to do so] Normal is not having to vent to a blog about every little thing that comes up just so you don't feel like exploding. Normal is being able to shower without the water pouring down on you making the pain worse. Normal is being able to breathe out of your nose. Normal is being able to lay on both of your sides. Normal is so many things that I can't even list them all, but I think/hope that you are starting to get the picture. Basically, normal is when you can function. When you can go about your daily life without a struggle. It's not based on appearance. That is pure opinion, but for some reason that is what everyone wants normal to be. Yeah, sure, there are those stupid trends that everyone is supposed to be following; and when people don't they get to be called freaks and stuff. Still. Not what normal can be defined as. Why? Because those trends are always changing. Even within one year there could be multiple different trends. Normal has to be a constant.

Late Nights

Can't sleep. Don't know why. Well, actually it's pry because my head is killing. They should really fix that. Only problem is they don't know what's wrong with me. At least not for sure. And in the medical world, you really don't just want to play around. I'd rather them value my life and try to salvage what remains of my health, instead of experimenting and trying to find the cure. A cure would be very nice to have. I just want it to be a proven cure. Not an experimental one. Big difference. Although there is still that chance of the proven cure not working. Because medicine is not perfect. Even though it should be. I guess it just likes to follow that finicky rule where "nothing is perfect." Sometimes it depresses me that nothing is perfect. You look at something from far away and it looks so beautiful and perfect; and then you get close to it and you can see all of its flaws. All of those tiny details made invisible by distance suddenly become so noticable that you can't possibly ignore them. It's horrid. I hate it. I just want to appreciate the pretty flowers, not be forced into seeing all the rips in the petals and the dirt still caked onto the stems. Sometimes it might be nice if the human eye took in just a little less detail.

Oh Cats...

You'd think one would appreciate you more, poor cats. You sit there all day, looking oh-so-cute, only to be ignored later on when all you want is a little scratch under your little chin. And when you come sit on my lap I only enjoy it for about a minute. Then I just get annoyed that I can't move around. And then I get uncomfortable. I start doing subtle things to annoy you, hoping you'll leave on your own so that I can move again and be comfortable. Why don't I just throw you off my lap? Look at how cute you are! Sitting there staring up at me, I could never just toss you aside like a sack of bricks. That's just cruel... I just don't like you sitting on my lap. I enjoy when you join me for a nap. That's actually very nice, until I accidentally roll over onto you while I'm sleeping. And I don't mind so much when you just sit next to me. But I have boundaries. And cat in lap crosses one of those invisible lines. Sorry little kitty. I still love you. Just, please, don't sit in my lap.

Head Hurts

Throbbing pain. Feels like it's never going to stop. I just want it to go away. Is that really so much to ask? Just take my headache away. One can only stand the pain for so long before they break. They crack. They go crazy. And then what becomes of them? Are they the crazies we envision, locked up in padded white rooms? Are they carried away by the men in white coats? White. Everything. White. Why is it all white? But would that be them? Surrounded in all of that whiteness? Or would they be more like those crazies that are in the previews for that movie coming out called Crazies? Is that what the producers are trying to tell us? Are they sending us a message? Perhaps I will have to suffer through the pain of all that noise... and go see that movie. Just to find out. Or maybe I'll just read movie reviews. Take the easy way out. You know, there's always an easy way out. Sometimes you just can't see it, because they covered it up with so many layers of nothing. People never want you to take the easy way out. Have you ever thought about why? Why don't they want your life to be easier? Why do they want you to struggle? Sometimes the easy way just makes more sense. And sense is something that there just isn't much of anymore. People seem to have stopped caring about making sense. For example, couple years back they all of a sudden say that bikers have to bike in the street. Why? Because they were running over and annoying the walkers on the sidewalks. If you drive, you know how annoying it is to have to switch lanes just because there is a biker... But the law is saying that they have to be there, annoying you. Why did they get kicked off the sidewalks? Oh yeah! Because they were ANNOYING the walkers! And you know what the best part of this whole happy tale is? Now, I'm having to dodge walkers in the street. Walkers. So, bikers get kicked off the sidewalks because they're annoying the walkers, so they are forced to move to the streets where they annoy the cars, and then the walkers, who are the ones who got the bikers kicked off of the sidewalks, decide that those nice sidewalks are no longer good enough for them and they have to walk in the streets too. Now... Why did we bother to build those sidewalks?