I've Been Thinking

So... as you know I read this book. And I didn't appreciate the book, but there was at least one part that really got me thinking.

My fingers fly: "The first day in my new school these three older girls on the playground surrounded me. They were a pack. I was standing by the swings waiting for a turn and the leader said, 'You can't be serious. You couldn't even fit on that swing.' They all laughed. One of the other girls said, 'Even if you could squish in, we don't want you to break the new swing set.' I went to report them," I key, "but I found out the people with orange vests were the mediators. All three girls were wearing orange vests."

And then a little later in the book:

The principal says, "You've never reported any of this to the mediators. I don't have one report."

Gee... I wonder why... How does it happen that the people with all the power are the worst people in our lives at that moment? Father's rape their children, the people in charge at school are the bullies, bosses ask sexual favors in return for letting you keep your job, etc. How do you get around that? I suppose the boss on isn't as hard as the other, but the others are really hard. You go to your mother to tell her what's been happening, and she calls you a liar. When you go to tell the principal about the kids picking on you, he/she asks you why you haven't told the mediators.

I realize that it's too much work to do a background check on the students who want to be in charge, but really? You should at least pay attention to their behavior in class. If they are the type that is always picking on someone, obviously they should be allowed to be in charge of anyone.

And I know that there can never be a way to monitor who gets to become a parent. Still, I think that it should be made more obvious where people in that situation can go. It's not 911, because that is for emergencies happening now. They wouldn't be calling the police while it was going on, at least not typically. So who are they supposed to call?

Update

Due to my long absence [just in case anyone cares, or maybe this is more for me...] I'm going to do a two-in-one! Post twice in one day, just to make sure there is some form of what's been going on.

I've been working a LOT. Over the summer 30+ hours a week, but now that school has started it's down to 20+ hours a week. Unfortunately I can't really cut back, especially if I want tuition reimbursement. [which btw i still have to apply for...] And with the cost of school I know I'm going to need the money, even if I don't need it right this second.

I started taking five classes, but in the first week I realized that work + five classes was way more than I can handle. Four is barely manageable... And one of those four classes is yoga! Lucky me yoga ends mid October. It was probably a mistake for me to try and tackle Chemistry this semester... But as I've never taken a Chemistry course before [i completely neglected it in high school] I have to take the Survey of Chemistry, and I figured it was better to just get the ball rolling. Hopefully I'm right.... College Algebra doesn't seem to be as big of a challenge as I expected... Statistics was way harder... Is that how it's supposed to be? I also have my health class going on, Drug Use & Abuse. So far I've hated almost every second spent in that classroom... But I need to stay at 12 credits to keep my financial aid. This next chapter is looking slightly promising, all about educating us stupid folk about the nervous system, which is extremely fascinating, and will no doubt prove useful in my later schooling. [i plan on becoming a medical examiner, minoring in photography]

I'm trying to take a look at several four year universities. Can't get the degree I want at community college, even if it is cheaper... I joined a sort of support group for people looking to get into STEM fields. [i already forgot what that stands for... math and science are in there...] They're supposed to help me pick my classes and keep me on track with my schooling.

Unfortunately I've gotten sick again... Something with my stomach this time. I can't really eat so well. Pretty much anything greasy/fatty I puke up. I went to the doctor, he's not sure if it's something to do with my gall bladder, or if my body is simply not used to those kinds of foods. So we're doing tests, trying to figure out what is wrong with me... Yet again.

I've also been reading some, when I'm not busy trying to overload myself on everything else. I've been quite pleased with most of the books I've read, but there have been a couple that really set me off... [see previous post]

In some ways it's kind of said, I've been so busy I've barely had time for my fiance [i still want to say boyfriend, so if i refer to him as such, don't be alarmed]. We're still at the same school, and it will stay that way until next year, fall semester, when he moves on the his four year university [in farm country] and works to get his four year degree. Which will be more good than sad, because the deal is we can get married once he finishes his degree and has a stable job. Easier said than done... He applied for spring semester, but for whatever reason they never received his application. Luckily they were very nice and returned to application fee, because there was a record of him having paid it... It just doesn't make any sense.

I've been wanting to get a pass to Lifetime fitness for awhile now... And with how much I am enjoying my yoga class I think that this is a really great opportunity to finally just do it. I'd like to continue taking yoga classes after mine at school has finished. Do you have to pay to take a yoga class if you are already a member of the gym? My mother thinks you do, and in some ways that makes sense, but in others I can't see why they would make you pay twice.

Anyway... I still love my job, and my people skills are becoming better as a result of working there! I'm planning on keeping this job til med school! 4-6 years down the line. Hopefully everything works out!

By The Time You Read This I'll Be Dead

I hate that book. I really hate it. There is really nothing good about it. Nothing. The ending is complete bullshit. Have I ever mentioned how I hate it when an author leaves you hanging? Well I hate it. With a fiery passion. I like to know what happened to the character that I followed for a couple hundred pages. I do not like to be left hanging! The worst possible ending for a book is one that is completely inconclusive, so much so that you keep turning pages, thinking that there will be more, only to find a study guide. And so desperate are you to find out what happens, you read the freaking discussion questions. Only to find that one of them is asking, "What do you think happens?" I know what I want to happen, but how I am supposed to come up with the ending? Believe it or not, there is a reason for authors. There is a reason they are the ones out there publishing books, not me. I know exactly how I want the book to end. And that is the very reason I need author to tell me what happens! I didn't read through all of those pages for nothing! I didn't read through all of those pages to be left hanging, and then keep flipping pages only to find self-help websites and suicide hot lines. Yeah... Because suicidal people read books about other people's miserable lives... I think not. I really think not. I don't just highly doubt, I am virtually positive. Though, I suppose you'd probably have to ask someone who actually wants to die rather than just trust my rantings. But seriously. I don't care how many places you post your stupid hot lines, they are likely to not find the right people. Because you're posting in all the wrong places.

Happy Camper

So... Who came up with the phrase "happy camper?" Have they ever even been camping? Have they seen the bathrooms on campsites infested with an assortment of ticks and centipedes? Have they ever had to set up their own tent? Have they ever gotten the spot inside the tent that is placed right on top of what is probably the hardest rock on the site? Have they ever left the flap open to get the breeze inside the tent because it was kinda hot, only to have it start raining [and i mean RAINING] at 2 in the morning? Have they ever left their shoes outside and woken up to find them completely soaked, because of the dew? Have they ever been to a campsite that does not include a shower? [those actually aren't so bad, cuz the showers there are totally disgusting] For some reason I highly doubt that the person who decided that phrase sounded grand has ever even seen a tent of any sort.

Nnnuueeiiiooo

That is the sound my cat makes. Very loud and in your face. She definitely makes it known when she wants something. But she is the cutest little thing. Black & white, not spotted, more of a marble effect. When she watches birds from the window, she chirps at them. Almost like she is saying to them, "Hey! I'm a bird too! You can come play with me!" I'm not sure what is so fascinating about the birds, but she loves them, and so I will let her watch them. However she will never be allowed outside. I have heard stories about cats in our neighborhood getting caught in traps intended for rabbits or getting into fights with strays. She was spade, so we don't have to worry about that, but I definitely don't want her to get hurt! She is probably one of my favorite things in the world. She is one of the most playful little animals ever. The only thing that really has her beat is a squirrel, but when she was a kitten she could have given them a run for their money. I remember she used to do flying leaps at door frames and make it more than halfway up and then slide down back to the floor. Now she takes more notice of the dog, and does not appreciate her. Every time the dog is in what she considers her "territory" she whacks the dog. I'm sure it doesn't hurt the dog, but it is very cute.

Today, though, the dog's tongue was bleeding. I have no idea why. [no, it's not from the cat, she's de-clawed] But yeah, and it wasn't just a little bit of blood, it was like some serious bleeding. It was getting all over her paws and legs. I had to get a wet cloth to wipe it off her fur and the I had to coax her into drinking from a bowl of water and just pray that it would fix the problem. Luckily it did, and she's been ok for the rest of the day. It was scary more than anything. Poor doggie is just getting old... When strange occurrences like that happen we all kinda freak out a little. Because we aren't sure what it means. We don't know if it's a sign that her life is reaching it's end or if it's something that is basically normal. We can only hope that it's basically normal. Because no matter how annoying and needy the dog is, we still love her.

Not Going to Lie

So. I have a bit of an addiction to Guild Wars. No joke. I may even be a little bit obsessed. o.O Anyway. For those poor people out there who don't know, GW is an RPG, you get quests and do missions. For some quests you get these coin things. And if you collect enough of these coin things you can trade them for this special key. Once you have the special key you can go into this one room and open up this ginormous chest and get super rare items. I am like obsessed with that chest. And have only opened it three times. But I am somehow still obsessed. I was looking the coins up on the wiki [to see how many copper it took to get a silver and how many silver to get a gold] and to see stuff about the coins I had to look at the traders individually. Wanna know what I found out? Each of them is named after a player. Isn't that cool? The coins are a fourth year anniversary add in, so I'm guessing that the developers follow the game rather closely and saw these characters that they kinda liked and decided that they wanted to commemorate them. I wonder if the people who got their names jacked know this? I wonder if they have naming conventions for all of their characters? I have eight characters. [i know, i'm crazy] And I definitely have a naming convention. My nightfall campaign characters are all named after my cat. My prophecy campaign characters are all named after my pen name. And my faction campaign characters are all named after my future daughter. I'm so organized. I think that I have a character for every profession in the game now... I'll have to take inventory and double check. I know I have a necro, an elementalist, a monk, an assassin, a ritualist, and a warrior... And two others. I must not play the other two very often. Or they're doubles. That would mean I don't have all the professions... Oh! I have a dervish too! But I don't have a paragon. Never had one of those. I know I used to have a ranger and a mesmer... I don't know which I still have? It gets hard to keep track. You know that? You know how they call these types of games role playing games? Does that mean that I'm supposed to pretend to be my character? Or do people think that they are their character? That's crazy.

Evil Intent

My cousin drives a semi truck. I think it was last week that he killed three people when he ran into their SUV thing. The situation? There was this SUV thing in front of him, they did a super wide turn right, and then back left, trying to do a u-turn, but there was oncoming traffic, so they ended up right in front of my cousin. Guess who couldn't stop. The case is still under investigation. It was an accident. 100% but he could still be charged with vehicular homicide or something like that. Manslaughter. Vehicular manslaughter. Either way, it doesn't look good on your record. And who knows if he will be able to keep his job. Even though he has a family to support. With a another baby on the way. I'll just blame my mother. It's her fault. She just said a couple weeks ago that bad things always come in threes, and so far we've only had two. [my cousin Tony's death, and then some lady named Maryian who i'm supposedly related to died] Well, here ya go mom, here's number three. And this one he has to live with. If I was in an accident and three people died as a result, I'm not sure if I would be able to live with myself. I have trouble with that sort of thing. I like to blame myself for things that are outside of my control. Nasty habit. Don't get into. I had some really great news... But this blog has just gotten so depressing... I don't think that I can tell it... It will just ruin the news. So, next time.

All Those Horrible Things You Say

I keep them. I store them. I save them. And sometimes, on rainy days, when there is nothing else to do, I read them. And I cry. I cry because there are so many horrible things that have been said to me. And I wonder, am I a horrible person? Because nice people are never cursed. People always tell me that I am so nice. Well, then what have I done to receive all of those terrible words? Wanna know something funny? I've only ever kept one nice letter. Only one. Does that mean that people don't say nice things to me? I can't remember that far back... I only remember those things I saved. It makes my life look pretty miserable. I think I need to start a happy collection. Something cheerful. I planted rose bushes in my front yard by the light post the other day. Right now they just look like sticks poking out of the ground. Something a two year old would do and call gardening. But I know that if I keep on watering them they'll grow. Then I'll have pretty flowers. Roses.

Addicted to Nothing

It's been awhile. In my absence I have gone to the ER, been in bed for like a week, decided that I have absolutely no hope of ever passing that stupid English class [and consequently dropping it], and become addicted to nothing. It sounds a lot more epic than it really was. The ER trip was so not fun. I was in so much pain I couldn't sit still. I was nauseous and felt like screaming, but couldn't scream because that would simply make my head ache even more. My mother freaked out and decided that we needed to go to the ER. On the way there I threw up like three times. [into an ice cream bucket, not on my lap, thank God] And when we got there they gave me anti-nausea meds that really helped, but then we had to wait for the infusion... Of course. When we finally got to go back for it I was finally learning how to deal with the pain and probably would've been ok without it, but I figured that we had driven all the way there and it would make me feel better, so whatever. It totally put me out. After the nurse finally found a vein to stick the needle in. Apparently I have "small veins." I have never had this problem before, and I've had blood drawn and like three other infusions. They wanted to draw blood too. That was great. Took her three tried to get a vein. Then, after the infusion, when I could barely think, let alone walk, they wanted a urine sample. Great idea. Once I finally got home I just went to bed. And didn't wake up until the middle of the next day. From now on, unless I have no other choice, I definitely want to avoid the ER. It is so uncomfortable, and they so do not know how to stick a needle into a vein. Anyway, after the infusion my head was kinda better, but it was still incredibly achy, so I was basically in bed for about a week, missing all of my classes. My freaking English teacher will not budge on his stupid "participation" thing, and since I wasn't in class of course I didn't have any of the participation points, so I decided that there was no way in hell that I was going to be able to pass that class and dropped. I'm going to see if I can get it to be a medical drop instead of a withdrawal. Once I got out of bed I got back to school and caught back up with all of the work and stuff. And then when I wasn't doing school work and all that stuff I became addicted to nothing. Nothing = facebook games. If you ever actually think about them you'll find that they have no substance. None. They are like nothing. And yet I can't stop playing them. Why? I don't know. I must be addicted. How has this happened? Too much spare time. That's what it is. Too much spare time. Must find something else to do.

And So...

Well, I was supposed to do my presentation for PWS on Monday, unfortunately one of my group members didn't have a voice. Thank the Lord, the teacher was not in one of her evil moods and is allowing us to present on Friday instead, after the other two groups. So we will not be receiving a zero! The only thing that sucks about this situation is that our presentation is not over and done with. I'm still sitting here thinking about it... Not fun. I would love to get on with it. I really hope that I have all of the genetics stuff down. And I really hope that they don't ask like any questions. Because it's very likely that I won't have a clue. I really only looked up the genetics of it. I didn't get into all of the weird cases. So I don't know about this one particular cases where this one person had this one strange thing happen to them. I do know a little bit about Angelman Syndrome, which is like its sister genetic disorder, but that is only because Angelman Syndrome is not some kind of freak accident [well I suppose technically it is] it's more common and because it is stronly tied in with PWS. So I know what we're supposed to know for this thing. And that's it. I didn't go crazy with with fancy random facts. That's just not my thing.

They Drink Their Pee.

They drink their pee. They DRINK their PEE. Models. They drink their pee. And rub their poop on their skin, like some kind of exfoliating lotion. Models. The people that the majority of the world looks up at and say "gorgeous." Really? They drink pee. And rub poop all over themselves. Do we really find that attractive? Pee drinking, poop rubbing models? That is our idea of beauty? You know what the best part of that is though? [besides the pee] They're photoshoped. They aren't real. The person in the picture doesn't actually exist. Yes, they took a picture of someone [who drinks pee] but then they altered her appearance so much that I doubt you'd recognize her if you saw her walking down the street. Plastic surgery, cosmetics, and eating disorders make them what they are. And we admire them? We admire people that drink pee.

Reality

In reality we all have problems. It doesn't matter where you live, who you know, how much money you have, where you are going to school, or what you plan on doing with your life. You have a problem. It may not be a big problem, but it's there. So, please somebody, tell me why people shun people who have problems that are different from their own. Do we [humans] just fear different? You hear a lot of people talking about diversity and how it's such a great thing, but the diversity they speak of is only racial. They are only talking about the color of our skin, not who we are as people. To achieve the greatest amount of diversity you need to not look at skin color. That is what Affirmative Action does not account for. It's only trying to make up for past white domination. That in itself is racist and discriminatory. Suddenly people of minorities are at a huge advantage. And this is supposed to be fair? I realize that in the past minorities were placed under the white majority and it was unfair, but wouldn't the fair thing to do be to raise them to equal status? Not raise them above and put them on a pedestal.

Uh Oh

When you've been visiting therapist offices for a long time you begin to learn how they really operate. There are a lot of misconceptions. A lot of people [if not most] will think of the waiting room as a bunch of people wearing all black with too many piercings and hair all sorts of funny colors. Not true. If you ever actually enter the waiting room for a therapist you'll be lucky to find one such person. [I'm not saying that these people don't go, because they do, but averagely you don't see them in there] You are more likely to find people [mostly women] in their 20's to 30's. All of them very average looking. When I went to my very first appointment I seriously thought that we had gone to the wrong place. And you know how almost everyone thinks that the best way to throw a therapist is to make them think that you are just as messed up as can be? Again not true. The better route is silence. Don't tell them anything, it makes them want to dig. If you have real issues, they'll just be able to tell, even if you don't talk. If you don't talk they can't figure out your issues, so if that was your goal, you're winning. It also helps if you don't have nervous habits. Nail biting is a dead giveaway. On the other hand, if you actually want this therapy to help you get better you have to cooperate. They can ask all the questions in the world, but you have to give truthful answers that go slightly deeper than "yes" or "no." They need some indicators, they can't read minds. Which is definitely the best part. So whenever you want to be done talking, just stop talking. They may prod a little more, to try and get little more out of you, but if you really don't want to talk anymore that session, just don't answer. That's always your best bet. Silence. It's golden.

Let Me Tell You

I have a story to tell you. Sadly it is not a funny story. It's about my cousin. He's older than I am, by about 15 years and lives in a nicer part of Minneapolis. [if such a place exists] Apparently his speech was getting a bit slurry and so he went to the doctor and got an MRI. The doctor said he might have a bit of carbon monoxide poisoning and should have his furnace checked out. To have his furnace checked out without receiving any further carbon monoxide he decided to check into a hotel for a few days. On his first day there he went out with a friend. And then later that night someone assaulted him in the streets and he is now in the hospital. To make things even better he has brain swelling. And the doctors think that he is going to die. Because he is mostly unresponsive. But when the doctors said that they thought that he wasn't going to make it he raised his hand, giving all of us the tiniest glimmer of hope. They caught the guy who beat my cousin like the next day. There were witnesses and it was caught on camera. But the saddest part is that my cousin is one of the nicest people on the planet. I don't see what he could have done to provoke such a response from anyone. He will sometimes invite his friends to our family Christmas, because they will be in town and have no where else to go. We do Santa bags [everyone buys something somewhat cheap for everyone and puts in bag without saying who is from] and since none of the rest of us know his friend is coming, they wouldn't get any presents. So he buys them at least 3 or 4 presents every time, to accompany the few presents from the people who knew that they would be there. And if I am sitting at the same table as him during dinner he will try to include me in the conversation while the rest might ignore me. [just because they are all older than me or because the younger kids are there and they are so much more interesting or my other cousins are there, the ones who are like actually related] I don't know. I just don't understand.

Hello My Name Is...

Blank and I am looking for a partner for Blank. Let me know if you need a partner too and we can work out the times from there.

Doesn't that just sound like he's selling himself? It's an e-mail that I got [twice] from some guy in one of my classes at school looking for a partner for a project. And it sounds like he is selling himself. Not in a horribly sexual way. But really, it sounds like an ad in the newspaper. All that was missing was the face shot of him giving the thumbs up. Making up for the lack of enthusiasm in his message. Because a picture is worth a thousand words. Why do people say that? Really? I don't get it. Do they say that so they can get away with writing less for an article that has a picture? Or so they can skimp on the description of a picture? If you could find me 1000 words [not including non descriptive words] to describe a picture I think I would have to faint. Words that would count would be adjectives. Smile, purple, wild, big, pretty. You wouldn't be able to use filler. Say it was a picture of a tree, you wouldn't be able to say,

"The tree is looking nice this Saturday afternoon after strolling on the sidewalk to see what was there under the blue sky that contained fluffy white clouds that were above our heads not threatening rain, which was really nice because rain is not nice and there was no rain just nice trees and blue skies and there was a sidewalk that you could walk on, it would definitely be very super fun to walk on that excellent looking sidewalk. I bet you'd never drop any ice cream on that sidewalk, it's too nice for that, and birds must never poop on it. It looks too nice."

And that was only 106 words of complete and utter nonsense. And the only words that would count are: tree, sidewalk, blue, sky, fluffy, white clouds, birds. That is only eight words. Good luck with your 1000.

Wanna Know a Funny Story?

Me too. Just kidding! [well, honestly i really would] I'll tell you one. Anyway. So. I have this boyfriend. [fyi i only have one bf i just like to say things in strange & mysterious ways, to keep the world interesting] I really like him. He has his charms. And I really enjoy spending time with him, doesn't matter when or where, or necessarily what we are doing. But every now and then I would like to go out and DO something. You know? Is that so much to ask? Normally this isn't so much of a problem, because normally I have plenty of money to fund our ventures. But right now I am not working because I have this horrible problem with migraines you see. So until my application for short term disability goes through [and is approved] I have zero dollars. Normally he has no money either because he has to pay for rent and stuff, so I pay for all of our dates. But he missed one of his check because he lost it. [at his parents... hmmmm..... no i'm not implying anything] And so had to have it reissued, but this took him about three weeks to figure out. [seriously, could they make it any more complicated?] So right now he has plenty of money. And could definitely afford to take me out. It's not like I want anything extravagant, just a simple little date. Maybe going out to dinner somewhere like Applebee's or something. Nothing expensive. But he just assumes that I would be the one to pay, but I have no money. He is the boy. I am the girl. Isn't the boy SUPPOSED to pay? Like in traditional relationships? I've been super nice and paid for almost everything we've done, shouldn't he give a little? Is that not reasonable? Am I crazy?

The Joys of Spring

That was completely sarcastic. After being almost completely inactive all winter I, of course, gained some weight. It's not like I hadn't noticed this, but it became glaringly obvious when I had to go shopping for pants and had to select a size larger than normal. And being a girl [even though I should be past that stage] I am very self conscious about this fact. Guess it's time to hit the gym... Or get a gym membership. You know. Chicken. Egg. Well, technically I don't need to go to a gym. I have a Wii. And that exercise game that they make for it. So, you know, I could just do that. And think about gym memberships when I actually have money. Because I really do like those pools they have. I used to be on the swim team. Not that I was any good. [hahaha] But I really enjoyed it. And people are always saying that swimming is such great exercise, because it works your whole body and it's not super hard on your joints. Even old people can do it! Anyway. Back to the woes of Spring. Allergies. If you have them you might have some idea of what I am talking about. Allergies are terrible, horrible monsters. Mine are 10 million times worse. When I was seven I had to start doing allergy shots to get them under control. My mom recently told me that typically, people who go on shots and then finish with them never need meds for allergies again. Boy, did that piss me off. Because after those 5 [7?] years of shots I was actually able to control my allergies with medicine. Lucky me! But then, last year, you know what they did to me? They decided that they didn't want to make my medication anymore. Do you have any idea how long it took to find a medication that actually worked? Years. No exaggeration. My mom called the allergists and luckily he has like major connections or something and knows like all the drugs they make [when it comes to allergies] and found a pharmacy that was still making the combo that I need. [apparently it's some old combo that is hella strong, so they don't like giving it to people. they like the weaker crap that doesn't do anything for me] Then, this SPRING they decide that they are no longer going to make this drug either. Guess who is miserable with itchy eyes, sneezing up a storm, and has a majorly running nose? That same person has been on at least 3 different allergy medications in the last month. So it is not like I have given up all hope because they decided to be jerks and take my medication off of the market. Nope. I am desperately searching for something that will WORK. And you know what the very best part of this is? The allergies acting up is encouraging the asthma to give me a hard time to. Wanna guess how long it's been since I've had an asthma attack? I'd say about a year and half. When I had bronchitis. Yep. Spring is just so much fun.

Smell the Flowers

Where did we get so fixated on this theme? Who was it that said we all work way too hard and we need to step back and take time to smell the flowers? I think that person over did it. It seems like that's all a lot of people know how to do anymore. They've forgotten the meaning of "work." And why would they want to work when there are flowers that need smelling? But there is work that needs doing. We can't all be smelling the flowers at the same time. We need rotations. Someone should work out a schedule. Or maybe that's why God gave us the weekend (sabbath). Our day of rest. Even He took a day off to sit back and relax, after He had finished His work. But since we are not perfect we can't finish our work. So we'll just have to do the best that we can to get as far as we can before taking our break. And while we are on our break we can smell all the flowers we want. I think guy who originally said this should have been more specific. Unless he was and his words were just twisted to fit other purposes as they were passed along. You know how it goes.

Poor Dumb Dog

Brother gets up to let dog in. Dog does not get treat. Dog runs to me. I push dog away. Dog runs to mom and yips. Mom is on phone. Mom doesn't realize dog was just out. Mom and dog walk toward kitchen. Dog stops and sits by treats. Mom continues to back door and opens it to let dog out. Dog does not go to mom, because dog wants treat. Mom doesn't get it and so continues on with her phone call and ignores dog. Poor dumb dog. At least cat is cute. Chirping at the birds in the bush right outside of our window. What a lucky cat.

Melt My Brain

Spring break. Is now almost over. Unlike a lot of people I didn't go on a fancy vacation or skip the week before spring break. So why do I feel like my brain is melting? It's becoming a swimming pool for all of those nerves and their signals. Not cool. I think this is the step before the frying. Cuz as soon as my brain tries to think too much the electrical activity of that thought will zap the gooey puddle that was brain and it will be fried. Not looking forward to that. I think that means that I need to start doing some brain stimulating activities. Where did I put those books? I think there are about 5 million under my bead. And 20 next to it that I have yet to read. And as long as they don't end like wMy Sister's Keeper everything should be ok. Right? That's what I'm hoping for!

Sick.

You know what the best part of being sick is? Getting better. The whole time you're sick all you want is to be better. [at least that's all I want] So when you finally do feel better, it's one of the greatest joys in the world. I'd put it up there with winning first place in a big softball tournament. The only thing missing is the adrenaline rush. But when you're just getting over a cold, you really don't need one of those. Another plus to getting better is that my mother stops making fun of me. I swear that what she says is a cold and what I say is a cold are two completely different things! I definitely cannot go around and function as usual, I am down and out. And my colds normally last for a couple of days. She always tells me that I'm such a baby and that I should get over it. Maybe when I'm like 30 and I actually have a real job I'll consider trying to be human while sick. Until then, no thank you. I will continue to bury myself beneath three blankets, drink 15 gallons of water, and sleep for three days.

Revelations

One day I overhear a conversation. There is a guy talking to a girl. She asks him if he thinks he is going to marry his current girlfriend. He responds with something about probably, because they have been dating for over six months.

Six months? And now they are ready for marriage? My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years. Does that mean we should go elope? I really had thought that people would want to get to know each other before deciding to tie the knot. I mean, if you really think about it, how well do you really know someone after six months? They could have all sorts of weird voo-doo hidden in their closet. Even married couples manage to keep secrets like that from each other for years! So what makes anyone think that six months of dating is anywhere near enough time to decide if you want to spend the rest of your life with another person?

I have a shirt. In pink and blue it says, "Strangers Have the Best Candy." And to accompany these charming words is a poisonous looking lollipop with a skull on it. I think the shirt is hilarious. And that is why I bought it.

My mother works in an elementary school. She invited me to have lunch with her. Before meeting her I had a science lab to do [which was a complete disaster]. Without really thinking about it I pulled out my Stranger Candy shirt and went out and about and did my business. When my lab was finally over... [ugh] I realized two things. First, I didn't have my mother's lunch number with, so I wouldn't be able to eat lunch. And second, I was wearing my Stranger Candy shirt. The thought of trying to explain the statement being made by my shirt to eight year olds was quite humorous, but I didn't think the teachers and/or principle would find it funny. And kids take things very literally, so it probably just was not a good idea to wear the shirt there at all. So lunch with mother = canceled. Until a later date.

Sleep

Has definitely become an issue. Poor me. The head gets to a point of hurting so much that I just have to go to sleep to escape the pain. Only problem with that solution is that the wonderful four hour nap will cost me hours of sleep come night, when it actually is time for me to be sleeping. Which really sucks, because as I am laying there my head will begin pounding with renewed strength. Why? Because it likes to torture me, it gets some kind of sick pleasure out of it. So I guess that I am going to either have to stop taking naps, or try to drastically cut back on the time spent napping... How to accomplish either of those... I don't know. I'm going to need a game plan.

Julie at the Drive Thru

I found this while I was clearing out my documents, it's from my creative writing class. The assignment was to write a memoir based on a person or an event, and it could only be one page. Do you have any idea how long it took me to edit it down to one page? Like 3 hours! Compared to the 10 min it took me to actually write! Seriously... When I finished writing it I had about three pages, and so began the editing. And this is the product of all of my hard work:


A lady had come in earlier in the day and purchased a $10 gift card and then left it in the store, asking us to use it to pay for some of our customer's drinks. I was not there to witness this, but was told about it by my manager, who, right after saying this said that the lady should have left it for us because it would have gone further with our discount. “So you want to steal from customers?” I asked. He was saved from having to answer as a customer pulled up in the drive thru at that moment. Iced Venti Latte, it was Julie, one of our regulars.

When she got to the window one hand held her smoldering cigarette, burned down almost to the butt, the other was handing me her Starbucks gold card (a card that you pay a monthly fee on and you get 10% off everything you purchase), then tried to hand me her money. I told her that she didn’t have to pay for this one; a lady had given us a $10 gift card to use for our customers. “Oh, well now that was nice!” “Yes, it really was,” I hand her back her gold card, “we’ll have your latte in a second.” “Here, put this in your little change jar,” and she hands me what is probably all of her loose change. “Thank you!” “Now I’m not broke!” she breaks out into an even bigger smile than before and holds up two dollar bills. At that moment Rob shows up with her latte, “Here you go.” I grab a long straw and lean out the window to hand it to her.

“This may sound a little weird, but does anyone in there have a Tylenol or Aspirin? Julie’s got a headache.” “Ummm… Let me check” I pull myself further inside and ask everyone if they have any Tylenol, Julie wants some. I get some looks of Go tell Julie she’s crazy! so I head back to the window to tell her that no one has any. “I’m sorry, no one has any.” “Oh that’s ok, I’m going shopping, that will probably make it go away.” “Have fun!” She pulls up a bit and begins to empty her car of trash, taking her time and making sure that she’s gotten every bit of garbage, while the car behind her tries to pull up to the window.


From all of that you're supposed to be able to get a feel for the person's personality. I don't know if I was able to capture Julie perfectly, I mean, I only had a page to work with... But I think that I did a pretty decent job with what I was given to work with. I even managed to capture a little of the behind-the-scenes Starbucks action. Well, at least, for my Starbucks. My Starbucks rocks!

Do You Ever...

Find yourself making up lyrics to songs as you listen to them? Even though your lyrics totally don't fit with the song? It's just the mood you're in. Or it's just the way that you think. Or you think that the artist is totally saying EXACTLY what you feel, and then they don't. So you have to improvise... Care to sing with me?

Skillet - Believe

"If you believed when I said that I wouldn't be thinking about you" then you're retarded.

The whole retarded thing kinda just throws off the whole flow of the song... Too many syllables in the wrong place. Not that what they wrote follows any strict pattern. It's more like a free form poem. But free form poems tend to pick up a style of their own. Each individual one has it's own pattern and flow. Or maybe it's just me that thinks that. It wouldn't be the first time that I came up with my own crazy thoughts. Well, you wanna know what I think? [probably not, but you're going to find out anyway] I think the world could do with some original, creative thought. Maybe then things would be just a little more bearable. Maybe if people stopped trying to stuff others into their little box of "ok" and "acceptable" things would be better. But people don't like to think outside of their box. It's not normal enough for them. What freaks.

As of Late

I've been back in school, on a more daily basis. It's rather nice. I'm actually somewhat able to keep up with my schoolwork. I'm not saying that I enjoy school. No one really does. There are always those classes that are hated, but are requied. [why do we need to take freshman composition in order to get a degree? i can see in some cases how that class would help, but in most cases, it's really just a waste of time] I still feel like I have endless amounts of time to waste, and I'll admit that sometimes I enjoy that, but sometimes it really gets old. You can only do the same thing over and over so many times before you realize that you are doing the same thing over and over. I am finally realizing it. And it's getting old. I may be doing different things within the video game, but it is still the same video game. [and, yes, it is the only video game i play. i don't like very many others] I may be reading different books, but I go through them so fast... and sometimes reading just plain hurts. It just contributes to the pain. Why am I cursed with constant migraines? If only they would go away, then I could go back to work. You have no idea how much I miss it. You probably think me crazy, wanting to go back to work. But I love my job. It is probably the best job in the world. Being a barista is a joy like no other. You get to meet some of the most interestig people in the world. One time [i work at a drive thru starbucks] there was this guy who came through the drive thru with some other guy. You could totally tell he was gay, you just could. And, it wasn't like he was being rude, because he was one of the nicest people that has gone through that drive thru. [most people who come through are complete and total jerks. there i said it.] but he seriously stopped at the menu board and had like a 5 min conversation with us, after he had placed his order. Appartently he was a hair stylist here in MN for some hair show. I didn't even know that they had hair shows. What is a hair show? Anyway, we were all dying of laughter, like almost to the point of crying. By the time they got up to the window we had managed to calm down. But then he got into another conversation mood. Telling us all about hair styling and how he would love to come back and do my hair sometime and Sherry's hair, totally embarassing the crap out of us, because we hadn't bothered to do anything with our hair at all that day. And then talking all about his life. And then he noticed my piercings [which i wasn't supposed to have in]. I think I have 10? All in my ears. And so he started a conversation about those. And of course he had to tell me about the only piercing he had... I'll let you figure it out. By the time he left it had been about 15 min since he had gotten his drink. And since I am the best at damage control, I had to work the window, which I hate! So I had to apologize to customers, and tell them what a funny customer we had just had and try to explain how we just couldn't get him to leave. A couple of the really pissed off ones got a free drink that day... but what can you do? People want their coffee, and they want it now.

Happy Endings

*SpoilerAlert* I just don't know if I'm going to be able to contain myself, so watch out!

Ok. So. My Sister's Keeper. Great book. Worst ending in the world. I mean, a car crash? [see, i told you i wouldn't be able to contain myself] Seriously. A car crash. After the whole entire book, it ends. With a car crash. Well, it ends for Anna, who was the one who I was rooting for, so basically it ends. A car crash. Why couldn't it have been her sister who died? Why did it have to be her? Why was it always her? I mean, I know life isn't all about happy endings and warm fuzzies, but this wasn't life, wasn't my life. It was a book. Books are my happy places. They are my warm fuzzies. Books have happy endings. Fairy tales happen in books. What you can't have in real life you can have in a book. Well, Ms. Author-of-this-book [who's name i can't remember] took that away from me. I wanted Anna to have a happy ending. I wanted her to live her life free of what her parents created her for, and I wanted her to be free of the obligations she felt she owed her sister. Basically, I wanted her sister to just die. It didn't have to be painful, but I did want her to die. That was my happy ending. Which was still harsh reality if you think about it. I mean, my ending is a bit more realistic than her's, if you really think about it. I mean, Kate was barely hanging on to the last shreds of life she had left, and she wanted to throw them away! [see, i just keep on spoiling and spoiling... i'm terrible] Why couldn't she just die? Why did it have to be Anna? After all that she had been through. A car crash. And guess what the best part of that whole scene was... She was wearing her seat belt. What kind of message is this lady trying to send us? I mean, I am getting mixed signels all over the place. Like arson is ok, and fire makes you feel better, and people who start fires are terrible people, and God doesn't exist, and God does exist, and creation is an amazing thing, and it's a stupid thing. Where is she going with all of this? What is she trying to say? Does she even know? The back of the book says that there is only one issue she is trying to discuss: The ethics of having a baby solely to help another of your children. I think whoever read the book and formed that opinion is a complete and total idiot. I'm actually wondering if that person even read the book at all. The pages within cover so much more than that. It's hard to believe how much this lady tries to tackle with just one story. I don't even know if I grasped half of it the first time reading it through. I mean, some kid going for like a degree in law or ethics or psychology could use this book to formulate a thesis [and a good one] for his big huge paper that has to be written. She even tries to dig in really deep on all of the issues she gets into, without losing the substance of her book. Which is why it is a fantastic book. With a horrible ending. I mean, a car crash? Seriously? Just, why?

Normalcy

It seems to me that people have come to the conclusion that "normal" cannot be defined. I disagree. Once you have been thrown out of the norm you know EXACTLY what "normal" is. Normal is your head not killing you every second of every day, making daily tasks seem impossible to accomplish. Normal is not taking several naps a day in hopes of escaping the pain. Normal is not always being on the verge of screaming, but fearing to scream at the same time. Normal is being able to attend school and do all of your assignments, take all of your tests, and generally just be present and active in your learning. [not that you necessarily want to do that, but just having the ability to do so] Normal is not having to vent to a blog about every little thing that comes up just so you don't feel like exploding. Normal is being able to shower without the water pouring down on you making the pain worse. Normal is being able to breathe out of your nose. Normal is being able to lay on both of your sides. Normal is so many things that I can't even list them all, but I think/hope that you are starting to get the picture. Basically, normal is when you can function. When you can go about your daily life without a struggle. It's not based on appearance. That is pure opinion, but for some reason that is what everyone wants normal to be. Yeah, sure, there are those stupid trends that everyone is supposed to be following; and when people don't they get to be called freaks and stuff. Still. Not what normal can be defined as. Why? Because those trends are always changing. Even within one year there could be multiple different trends. Normal has to be a constant.

Late Nights

Can't sleep. Don't know why. Well, actually it's pry because my head is killing. They should really fix that. Only problem is they don't know what's wrong with me. At least not for sure. And in the medical world, you really don't just want to play around. I'd rather them value my life and try to salvage what remains of my health, instead of experimenting and trying to find the cure. A cure would be very nice to have. I just want it to be a proven cure. Not an experimental one. Big difference. Although there is still that chance of the proven cure not working. Because medicine is not perfect. Even though it should be. I guess it just likes to follow that finicky rule where "nothing is perfect." Sometimes it depresses me that nothing is perfect. You look at something from far away and it looks so beautiful and perfect; and then you get close to it and you can see all of its flaws. All of those tiny details made invisible by distance suddenly become so noticable that you can't possibly ignore them. It's horrid. I hate it. I just want to appreciate the pretty flowers, not be forced into seeing all the rips in the petals and the dirt still caked onto the stems. Sometimes it might be nice if the human eye took in just a little less detail.

Oh Cats...

You'd think one would appreciate you more, poor cats. You sit there all day, looking oh-so-cute, only to be ignored later on when all you want is a little scratch under your little chin. And when you come sit on my lap I only enjoy it for about a minute. Then I just get annoyed that I can't move around. And then I get uncomfortable. I start doing subtle things to annoy you, hoping you'll leave on your own so that I can move again and be comfortable. Why don't I just throw you off my lap? Look at how cute you are! Sitting there staring up at me, I could never just toss you aside like a sack of bricks. That's just cruel... I just don't like you sitting on my lap. I enjoy when you join me for a nap. That's actually very nice, until I accidentally roll over onto you while I'm sleeping. And I don't mind so much when you just sit next to me. But I have boundaries. And cat in lap crosses one of those invisible lines. Sorry little kitty. I still love you. Just, please, don't sit in my lap.

Head Hurts

Throbbing pain. Feels like it's never going to stop. I just want it to go away. Is that really so much to ask? Just take my headache away. One can only stand the pain for so long before they break. They crack. They go crazy. And then what becomes of them? Are they the crazies we envision, locked up in padded white rooms? Are they carried away by the men in white coats? White. Everything. White. Why is it all white? But would that be them? Surrounded in all of that whiteness? Or would they be more like those crazies that are in the previews for that movie coming out called Crazies? Is that what the producers are trying to tell us? Are they sending us a message? Perhaps I will have to suffer through the pain of all that noise... and go see that movie. Just to find out. Or maybe I'll just read movie reviews. Take the easy way out. You know, there's always an easy way out. Sometimes you just can't see it, because they covered it up with so many layers of nothing. People never want you to take the easy way out. Have you ever thought about why? Why don't they want your life to be easier? Why do they want you to struggle? Sometimes the easy way just makes more sense. And sense is something that there just isn't much of anymore. People seem to have stopped caring about making sense. For example, couple years back they all of a sudden say that bikers have to bike in the street. Why? Because they were running over and annoying the walkers on the sidewalks. If you drive, you know how annoying it is to have to switch lanes just because there is a biker... But the law is saying that they have to be there, annoying you. Why did they get kicked off the sidewalks? Oh yeah! Because they were ANNOYING the walkers! And you know what the best part of this whole happy tale is? Now, I'm having to dodge walkers in the street. Walkers. So, bikers get kicked off the sidewalks because they're annoying the walkers, so they are forced to move to the streets where they annoy the cars, and then the walkers, who are the ones who got the bikers kicked off of the sidewalks, decide that those nice sidewalks are no longer good enough for them and they have to walk in the streets too. Now... Why did we bother to build those sidewalks?

Memory

It's a fascinating thing, really. Human minds in general are, but memory is often what really gets me thinking. There are those people who never forget anything. If they have a favorite tv show and the new episode gets canceled, so an old episode is aired in its place; they simply won't watch. On the other hand we have people who can barely remember to put their socks on every morning who would thoroughly enjoy that rerun as if it were the new episode; because they do not remember seeing it in the first place. Then you have the people in-between these two extreme examples. The ones who would be content to watch because they only remember vague details about the show and the ones who almost completely forget until you remind them and are therefore happy to watch.